A Christmas Cliché
by numina
Summary: It's just a dare. Who knew it'd turn his life and his conscience upside down? [AU holiday fic] [Namixas] R&R.
1. Chapter 1

December is here! Like hell yeah! Wieeehhh!

My muse is baaack...

For all who are waiting for me to update Soaring On Broken Wings and Questioning...People, I'm working on it! Arrgh. Gimme some more time...pretty please?

If I owned Kingdom Hearts, fanfiction writers would get paid for coming up with story ideas...and other than that, I'd be a billionaire.

-------- - --------

**A Christmas Cliché**

-----------------

"HI-KA-RI! Run _faster_!"

I threw a glare at the blonde man standing beside the track, who was currently laughing at me. Cloud Strife was known as one of the terror professors in gym; he had the uncanny ability to make you feel that you're going to die of exhaustion in oh, say, the next ten seconds.

I pushed myself to run faster, but the muscles in my legs were refusing to cooperate; they were screaming at me to stop already. This is exactly why I preferred skateboarding to running, or walking, even. Skateboarding takes me a lot less time and a lot less effort. And a lot less sweat..

"400 meters in five-point-ninety-six seconds!" Cloud exclaimed with a self-satisfied smirk, thumbing the stopwatch as I finally crossed the painted white line. "Really, this is a new record, Hikari."

"S-shut up," I shot back, immediately collapsing on the grass beside the track. "I h-hate y-y-you..."

I blinked, and raised a hand to swipe at my eyes. My eyes were starting to haze over, and I clutched said hand to my chest. I started wheezing and my lungs felt like two soda cans being crushed inside my ribcage. My throat started to burn as I lay back on the grass, trying to catch elusive breath.

"_Roxas_, you dork," my view of the early-morning sky was suddenly clouded by a haze of brown; two concerned sky-blue eyes hovered over my face. Suddenly I felt something plastic being shoved into my lips, and I was being forced to a semi-upright position. "Breathe in...hold...breathe _out_..."

After two puffs of medicated spray, I was well enough to be able to breathe normally once more. And once I was able to breathe normally, I think Sora, my savior and my close friend, took it upon himself to smack me upside the head.

And while Sora may look like a reedy little kid, he sure can hit hard.

"_Ow!_ What the heck, So---"

"I _told_ you not to take Sir Cloud's bait!" the spiky-haired brunet admonished me, kneeling beside me on the blades of green and waving the inhaler in my rapidly-reddening face. "Sheesh! I can't leave you alone for ten seconds without you trying out a new dare!"

I rubbed the side of my head where Sora's hand had hit. "But he was asking for it!" I whined, using my hands to support me as I sat up straighter. Stealing a glance at Cloud, I remembered why exactly I had pushed myself to the limit -- he had challenged me to run around the whole track oval as fast as I could. If I could do it, he said he'd give me a straight A in gym, no strings attached...Wait. The more I thought about it, the stupider I felt; so what if I got an A when I was wheezing to death on the oval's pavement in the first place?

Cloud knew I had chronic asthma ever since I had been able to walk and wheeze. He _was_ only doing this to make the suffer...I'll even bet he was thinking I couldn't do it. Well, I actually didn't run around the oval in under four minutes --- that insane speed was reserved for our track team, not our gym class.

Sora must've seen the expression on my face, for he handed me my inhaler, folded his arms, and shot me a look that said loud and clear: _I told you so_.

I smiled sheepishly. He got to his feet and pulled me up. "Thanks."

He laughed, and I glared at Cloud one last time before heading to the shower rooms.

- x -

"Up for another challenge?" Riku said conspiratorically, voice lowered and aquamarine eyes amused.

Taking a bite out of my hamburger, I tilted my head to answer yes. I almost had to duck to avoid the scorching warning glance Sora shot at me from beside the silver-haired boy. So what? I _was_ considered the bad boy of our group; the one who took almost every single dare thrown at him. I liked the feeling of adrenalin rushing through my veins; and for some reason, the dares made me feel like I had a purpose in life.

"I'm daring you to take that emo girl, Naminé, to second base."

I choked on the bread that I was chewing. So did half of the people sitting at our lunch table, who were unfortunate enough to hear.

"You're insane," Kairi hissed from beside Sora, her beryl eyes flashing with anger. No wonder. First base meant Frenching, second base meant touching, third base meant...well...it was better left unsaid. "You. Are. Insane."

However, Riku ignored her and focused on me. "We'll wager your skateboard tournament winnings. If you win, I double your money; if you lose, well..." he smirked, stabbing into a lettuce leaf with his flimsy plastic fork, "I take it all."

I took another bite of the burger, and started chewing thoughtfully. I had won the national championships for freestyle skateboarding just last week, and my winnings were enough to pay for my apartment for six months. So if Riku doubled it...I won't have to worry about rent for a year. I knew he'd do it, simply because he's filthy rich --- his parents own the largest chain of banks here in the mainland. It'll probably just cost him a week's allowance.

I, on the other hand, had an apartment to look after. I had been completely orphaned by the time I was five; my mom and sister died in a car crash where my father had been driving.Two days after my dad committed suicide, and left me on my own. I had been bounced from foster to foster home, and I didn't last a year through any of them. They claimed I was too difficult to handle.

Soon, everyone had started to give up on me. Even the orphanage director had given up. I was suddenly left to my own devices at the age of fifteen. I had an I.D forged and applied for work at a local café, pretending I was already eighteen. The proprietor didn't really care, as long as I worked hard. With the first few paychecks, and with the first few months I spent on the street, I managed to save enough to rent an apartment. I was worrying about the next months when I heard from a friend -- the one who dealt about the street happenings -- that there was a small skateboarding stint in one of the warehouses in the area. I took it as an opportunity to work off stress.

Well, it paid off: I was, unofficially, the youngest person to ever win the competition. It was an exhilarating feeling; to be able to stand proud with all the people cheering for you. It felt weird, honestly, after being passed to and fro for almost ten years. I felt that it was my rightful place.

I started joining every single skateboarding competition in the area, both for the thrill and the money. I had connections from my days spent wandering the streets --- they knew where the stints were. I started winning, and my street name, BHK --- short for Blonde-Haired Kid --- , was well on its way to becoming known as the epitome of skateboarding smarts, on the south part of the mainland.

I went back to school in the same year, with a full scholarship. I don't know how I did it, but blame it on one of the more recent families who had adopted me -- the Caraways. They had the largest private library in town, and since they banned me from using my skateboard, I had nothing else to do but read. I have a fondness for reading ever since. Just...I don't show it. It kind of ruins the image.

I finished high school with honors at 16, and I graduated with no friends, only acquaintances. My batchmates were much too intimidated by me and my bad-boy-with-insane-grades attitude.

It was a refreshing change once I set foot inside the mainland's university. Although small, not all of them knew my reputation, and therefore, I was able to make a close circle of friends. They weren't enough to fill the void of losing my family, but they were the closest thing to it.

When I wasn't studying, I was skateboarding, or working. Winnings or not, money will gradually slip away, so I continued to work at the local café. I had been working there for so long that all the patrons knew me by face --- in turn, I recognized who they were, and chatted them up a bit.

I continued to skateboard, and, in a twist of luck, managed to get into a prestigious and well-known contest. I won, and they sent me to the nationals. I won that one too, and then they sent me to the internationals. I placed second, but it was enough.

The winnings that Riku was referring to belonged to the most recent, which was my second national championship. Hm...I admit, if I lost the dare, I'd have to work overtime at the café all throughout the Christmas season, just to be able to get enough money pay for this and the next month's rent.

But I loved a challenge, so I grinned at Riku. "Sure," I said, licking my lips hungrily as I glanced over my shoulder, scanning the cafeteria in the off chance that she was here.

"She's over to your left, right near the silver tinsel," Riku pointed out. "Ah, this'll be a hard one, Hikari."

I gave him a smirk of my own, and turned back to observe Naminé.

Naminé Ivalice had earned herself a reputation of being an emo. What would she be if she wasn't? She had always been sighted sitting alone, with her sketchpad in front of her and a blank look in her eyes. She was hard to carry a conversation with, and she never really did anything to separate herself from the crowd. Her appearance did that for her.

She was now sitting, alone as usual, at one of the tables, with her flaxen hair looking windswept. Naminé was so pale she almost glowed, and in the blue plaid regulation uniform, she honestly looked dead. My stomach churned at the thought of getting to second base with this girl, but what the heck. If you double my winnings, that's a lot of money.

"Hmmm...I'll give you a month. How about it? The taped proof has to be in my hands before that."

"God, what are you thinking, Riku?" Kairi's best girlfriend, Selphie, growled, shooting the silver-haired boy a glare. "Just because we're one of the most well-known groups in the university doesn't mean that we can toy with someone just for fun!"

I cleared my throat, drawing Selphie's glare to me. "It isn't just for fun," I pointed out. "It's for money too!"

Riku leant back with a grin on his face and a challenge in his eyes. "Well, Roxas," he stuck out his hand, ignoring the girls' scandalized glares and Sora's indignant protests. "Have we got ourselves a deal?"

I wiped my hand on Tidus' pants -- who was unfortunate enough to sit beside me -- and shook his offered hand. "Deal."

Tidus chucked his fork at me. I ducked.

- x -

Luckily, I found out that Naminé had taken up similar subjects to mine. Her course was Multimedia Arts, while I was taking up Computer Science.

Later, in calculus class, I made my first move.

Now, Naminé almost always had at least one-seat distance between her and the other students. This made it easier for me. I did have only four weeks to get her to second base, and it didn't hurt to be careful.

Putting on my best smile, I heaved my backpack over my shoulder and walked over to her place by the window. "Uhm," I forced myself to sound as casual as possible, although bile was burning at the back of my throat at the thought of sitting next to such a repulsive girl. "Is this seat taken?"

Naminé turned from the window, and looked at me.

For a second, I swore I felt my heart skip a beat. We locked eye contact, and I had to admit, this was the first time I had really done so. It was creepy, the way she scrutinized me.

Finally she shook her head, and gestured to the seat. Heaving a sigh of relief, I collapsed into the chair and stared at the blackboard. This was insane. Really. But being the persevering BHK that I am, I racked my thoughts for a way to introduce myself. Not that I think she didn't know who I am, I mean, who doesn't?, but it _was_ common courtesy to exchange names. And if I'm lucky, phone numbers.

The room fell quiet when the professor walked in, a quiet woman named Aerith Gainsborough, legendary for her impossible-to-pass midterms and finals. I had considered requesting for a change of classes, but it would be too much trouble to do so. I could always retake calculus, anyway.

I dug around in my bag for my notes, when an idea hit me.

"Argh," I muttered, shifting things in my backpack, trying to sound distressed instead of bursting into laughter. "Cripes. I forgot my notes."

I turned to Naminé. "Do you have notes for this class? Can we please share?"

She tilted her head thoughtfully, took out a small notebook from her binder, and handed it to me. Opening it and studying her precise handwriting, I ran a hand through my hair. "I'm Roxas, by the way. Roxas Hikari."

She reached over and tapped the front cover with a pale finger. _Naminé Ivalice_, it said, embossed in gold letters on the black cover. I started to wonder if she was mute or something, because this would be one hell of a lot harder if she was.

"Nice to meet you," I forced out, covering her pale hand with mine. It felt so cold it was a wonder I didn't pull away.

We remained like that for a few seconds before she pulled her hand back and started drawing once more, a slight but noticeable blush settling on her cheeks as she did.

I grinned triumphantly, and turned my attention back to the class, returning each and every look Miss Aerith sent my way with a smile.

- x -

I had no idea how, but news spread like wildfire that Roxas Hikari, skateboarding prodigy and university heartthrob, had begun courting Naminé Ivalice, an unknown girl with an emo attitude. Sure, people were suspicious, but I played along with the rumors, saying that I found my real love and all that jazz.

Everybody believed it. I think even Naminé did.

I had taken to smirking at Riku at every opportunity I could get. Kairi and Selphie were not talking to me, while Sora was trying the best as he could to make me drop the deal. He even offered to double my winnings himself; but I wouldn't hear any of it. I wanted to fling my victory into Riku's face and gloat about it.

Here I was, waiting at the main gate of our department's building -- Multimedia Arts and Computer Science were under the same domain -- for the flaxen-haired girl. I had taken it upon myself to walk her to every class I could, ignoring the urge to throw up as I did. Frighteningly enough, I had found out more about Naminé than the two years before. She loved to draw, she never let her sketchpad out of her sight, she liked iced coffee, and she was a bit of an obsessive-compulsive person. And many more things.

I looked up into the sky; it was about nine in the morning but it was still cloudy. It never snowed in our part of the world, but the weather made up for all that in coldness and more. And now that Christmas was approaching fast, it was colder than ever.

Our department had risen up to the university's challenge of decorating for Christmas. There was a seven-foot Christmas tree in the lobby, and twinkling lights were wound around it in massive amounts. Faux gifts were piled at the bottom, together with faux snow, which was really Styrofoam. Tinsel framed every window, and the hallways were lined with Christmas lights. Wreaths of everlasting leaves and holly were hung on every door. Even the security guards were dressed in a Santa suit. Unfortunately, with our guard's thin figure, Santa looked like he had been drastically malnourished.

I heard footsteps, and I whirled around to see Naminé coming towards me, sketchpad, as usual, clutched to her chest. She had a scarf wrapped around her neck, and her lips were paler than ever. Probably because of the cold.

Aha. Another prime opportunity.

I shrugged off my uniform's blazer and put it around her shoulders. I didn't let my arm drop, and I walked her to class with my arm tightly around her shoulders.

She blushed spectacularly, and I could almost hear Riku's groan of defeat.

- x -

"An iced coffee, a Coke, a Caesar salad, and a cheeseburger, please."

I dug around my pocket for some money, handed it to the lady behind the counter, and waited for her to get the food. Something nudged me in the shoulder, and it didn't surprise me what it was. Riku poked me in the shoulder again. He was next in line to me in the lunch line.

"So..." he said in a low voice, pushing the silver hair out of his eyes. "How's it going?"

I grinned.

He raised an eyebrow.

I took the food from the lady, and set it down on the tray I was holding. I took a straw and some paper napkins, unable to stop grinning. "Shorten the time to two weeks," I proposed, shooting him a look. "But you then double the current deal."

Riku looked at me disbelievingly. "Aww. Rox, I'm your friend, I don't want you to lose money, you know. Two weeks is awfully short."

"It can be your Christmas present to me," I replied, taking my change and counting it. Riku started ordering his food.

"You sure?"

"Yep."

He smirked deviously. "You just amended our deal, Roxas."

I took the tray, and, balancing it on one hand, waved dismissively at him with the other. "Be prepared to lose, Riku."

I scanned around the cafeteria for Naminé, and sure enough, I found her where I left her, right near the silver tinsel where I first saw her pitiful figure. She looked up at me as I sat down across her, and she smiled shyly as I handed her the food. As customary she started digging around her bag, presumably for money to pay me, but I shook my head. The lunch I brought her everyday would be nothing compared to the money Riku would soon owe me.

"Nah, s'okay," I said thickly, biting into my food. "Anything for you, Nam."

Heck, I was calling her by a nickname already. It sent shivers down my spine.

"Thank you," she said quietly but clearly, and I almost choked on my burger. I was prone to doing that, it seemed. But it _was_ the first time she had spoken two words one after the other spontaneously. The other times she'd just nod or shake her head; it was always a one-sided conversation whenever I was with her. I was irked at first, but soon enough, I was grateful for the silence. The silence made it easier for me to concentrate on not dumping her right then and there.

"Uh..." I trailed off, not knowing what to say.

She opened her sketchbook and carefully tore out a page, and slid the sheet across the table to me.

Luckily I had swallowed what I had bitten off; if not, I really would have choked.

Naminé had drawn my portrait, and she had captured my usual brooding expression as easily as a photograph would have. It was expertly drawn in charcoal. What struck me was the care and precision she took in doing so. From afar, it would have been mistaken for a black-and-white photograph.

She started eating her salad in silence, the small smile still on her lips.

I carefully slipped the portrait into an envelope and tucked it inside my bag, forcing a smile and a thank you. I made sure to squeeze her hand as I did. But in my head, I was mentally grimacing.

I stared at her as she paused between bites to stare out the window. Soft golden sunlight was filtering through the windowpane, making her visage almost warm. Our eyes met, and for the first time, I was struck by how haunted her cerulean blue eyes looked.

I mentally grimaced once more, thinking that for once, since this entire bet started, I had never thought of how she would've felt.

x -

there. Now, feed me with REVIEWS.

To meh dearest reviewers, who are kinda pissed at me right now 'cause I hadn't posted in so long... SO SORRY.

Yesh. I shall try to update.

Flamers can go ahead.


	2. planning her downfall

ah, well.

you see the cliché now?

heehee.

Kingdom Hearts? Not mine.

(**A Christmas Cliché**)

II: planning her downfall

- x -

It was getting out of hand. Christmas vacation was only a week away, on the 15th. God knows how the heck I'd keep in touch with Naminé when school was out; she hadn't given me her cellphone number yet. All I knew was her house number.

Which is exactly the reason why I was here, sitting on the kitchen table of my apartment, with the cordless phone cradled in my shoulder.

Calling each other was something that couples did, right?

My finger hovered over the buttons, and, without thinking, I dialled a number.

Only thing was, the number I dialled was not Naminé's, but of one of my closest friends, who I got to know in my time in the streets.

"Hello?" I asked cautiously into the phone when somebody picked it up.

"_Dude! Who're you looking for? If you're looking for tattoos, Larxene's not here, so just call back, I think she's gone out and---_"

"Hey, Xigbar," I cut in. I relaxed my shoulders, and started swinging my feet below the table. Xigbar was my 'pretend' older brother; he was the one who tipped me off on all the skateboarding stints in the mainland. And it was usually in his condominium that we hung out. "It's me, BHK."

"_Roxas, m'man!_"

Sounds of cheering in the background. I had to hold the phone at least two inches from my ear, lest I suffer permanent damage to my hearing. "Uh, Xiggy..."

"_Been's some time since you last called, little dude!_"

I rolled my eyes. "I called last week."

"_Oh. Riiiighht..._"

"So anyway, is Axel there?" I paused, scratching my head. "I kinda...need to talk to him."

Axel was really one of my closest friends. He was the one who forged my ID so that I could work. He did skateboard too, but he was more of a daredevil motorcyclist. The Flaming Pyro, he was dubbed, for his notorious reputation of working the engine of every motorcycle he got until it burst into flames.

He also let me stay at his place for the last week before I found my current apartment. Axel would stay up all night if I asked him to, just to talk. His father left him and his mother, and his mom herself was a junkie, so he kind of understood my family situation.

"_Sure. Hold for a bit._"

I heard him holler Axel's name, and three seconds later, his voice filtered through.

"_Hey, Rox. What's up with you?_"

I took a deep breath, and told him about the bet, not knowing how he'd react. Part of me knew he'd just about kill me for agreeing to such a stupid bet, but another part of me knew that he'd be even more excited than I am about finishing the bet. The guy had a twisted sense of justice sometimes.

I left out the part with the portrait, however. The last thing I needed was a sermon about hurting feelings and stuff.

"...and now I have no idea how to get to second base," I finished desperately, tracing circles on the wood of my kitchen table. "Help me?"

He suddenly burst into laughter. "_Wow, Roxas, I never thought you'd be so daring. Well, you're just in luck, 'cause I had been dared to do that once, but to third base._"

"You were?"

"_Yeah. All you have to do is ask her out for a date. Then you get her drunk enough. Girls are easy that way._"

I grimaced involuntarily, thinking about how I'll get Naminé to drink. I don't think Naminé has ever drunk anything remotely alcoholic in her entire life, nor will she ever. Hmm. This was another challenge.

"_Then you offer her a ride home, and then go wild with her in the car. Never been easier. You bring her back to your place, and when she wakes up with a massive hangover, you take care of her. She'll be grateful. As an added plus, she probably won't remember anything._"

"Wow. How'd you know?"

"_Experience._"

Ah. Well, that explains a lot. Knowing Axel, he's probably done that to twenty girls already. I sighed resignedly, racking my brain on how to get her drunk. As I absentmindedly stared around the kitchen, my eyes fell on a medicine bottle lying on its side, on top of the refrigerator.

"I got it," I grinned at myself.

Axel chuckled into the phone. "_Careful to not let anyone notice she's drunk. Y'know, people might suspect_."

"Yeah, yeah...thanks, Ax."

"_Anytime, Roxas. See you around---_"

A thought occured to me, and I spoke before Axel could hang up. "Axel? Do I know the girl who you've been dared to?"

He paused, and laughed softly. "_It was Larxene_."

"Oh." He sure was lucky. "Thanks. 'Bye."

"_'bye._"

I put the phone back into its cradle, and started planning how I would do this. I had to ask her out before Christmas; it was the benchmark for my deadline.

I spent the whole night pondering about how I would pull this off. I searched for my palmcorder, and checked if it was still working. Then I rummaged around, trying to find a recordable cd. The next hours I spent wondering how I'd record the deed; I didn't have a car, only a motorcycle. Hm. My apartment was pretty close to the café; I could probably bring her to my place without too much trouble.

Even before I fell asleep, it was what I had been thinking about. If Riku quadrupled my money, I'd have enough for two years. And two years was a long time; if I was lucky, I'd even be able to buy the apartment instead of just renting it.

I remembered something just before I fell asleep.

Larxene was Axel's fiancée.

And I somehow knew Axel had not gone through the dare.

- x -

I hated Literature class, that I knew for a fact. And Literature class never liked me back, either.

So it came as of no consequence that when I saw it written on the blackboard that class had been cancelled, I was overjoyed. And overjoyed was probably an understatement.

I immediately rushed out of the room, earning strange stares from my classmates. Hah. Stare all they want; is it wrong to be so happy?

Taking a glance at the large overhead clock in one of the empty classrooms I passed, I remembered that at this time, Naminé had her Arts class, which was on the other side of the building. Sighing, I heaved up my backpack and traipsed to the said classroom, steeling myself for another encounter with the pale girl. If I was going to get her comfortable on our date, I had to get close to her. And being around her constantly was probably the only way.

I needed the money, anyway.

I stopped in front of the door labeled 207, pulled it open, and stepped inside.

Naminé had never told me she was taking Theatre Arts. I thought, with her skill in drawing, she would be taking up Drawing Arts.

I gazed around in awe at the large mock-theatre room, where the most of the class was seated at the back. The professor, a tall brunet known by the name Leon Leonhart, was sitting onstage, with his feet dangling off the edge. He was randomly picking out index cards from the pile he had in his hand, and everyone he called had to read some lines from their theatrics manual.

I crept around the back, searching for a familiar mop of flaxen hair. She was seated somewhere in the middle rows but beside the center aisle. Even here nobody sat next to her. I bit my lip and leant into the wall at the very back, watching the back of her head.

"Ivalice," Sir Leon called, waving a rectangular piece of card. "Your turn. Read the next poem. With _feelings_, and proper intonation."

Naminé glanced around, and she stood up. She cleared her throat, and I could see her fingers were trembling as they clutched the manual. The people behind her started whispering, and for a short moment, I felt ashamed of her. Why was she so nervous? It was just a few lines, no biggie.

"Thinking of you, wherever you are..." she started reading, with a clear, musical voice heavily layered with a British accent.

I stared at her.

I realized I had not even talked to her enough to notice her accent.

_British?_

She continued reading, and for a few seconds, I couldn't do anything but listen. It was weird but amazing at the same time. The words rolled right off her tongue in a unique way. I guess it's obvious that I have never heard a British speak right next to me before.

But soon enough, the people behind her were starting to whisper once more. It suddenly struck me: her classmates were repeating her words, but they were twisting the accent out of proportion. They were even doing gestures that they thought were fit for her voice. In short, they were making fun of her.

And in a short while, I was quietly laughing along with them. They were hilarious; the way they imitated the shaking of her hands and even the slight tilt to her head whenever she read her lines. Those guys were good.

The bell rung, and she was suddenly cut short. I heaved a relieved sigh; anymore time, and I would've burst out into laughter. The people stood up and started filing out of the room, and I snickered when the group who was making fun of her passed. They gave a snicker in return. Sighing once more, I made my way down to where Naminé was still standing up.

Ah, I told myself. One date, and Naminé's history. This was one thing I could make fun of her even ---

She turned around, came up to me with her head bowed, and she leant into my shirt and cried.

Naminé cried.

I have never seen her show anything but a blank expression or a small smile before.

But now, she was crying.

I had never felt more guilty in my entire life.

She continued sobbing uncontrollably, clutching my uniform into closed fists. I felt it was my duty to wrap my arms around her, so I did. Over the top of her head I could see Sir Leon frown, and shake his head.

She was still crying, but there was suddenly more wheeze than sob, more gasp than tears. Naminé's knees buckled and I immediately knelt. She was rasping for air now, sounding more like a dying person than anything.

I could recognize an asthma attack anywhere.

I fumbled into my pockets for my own inhaler, and I gently placed it into her partly-open mouth, shaking her so that she'd remain coherent. "Breathe in, Naminé," I paused as she took one breath, held it in, and breathed out. She repeated it one more time, and after it, she burst into fresh sobs.

"Stop crying," I whispered into her ear, pressing her face sideways into my chest and rubbing her back in what I hoped was comforting circles. "Please, stop crying."

The concern I felt was genuine, I was sure of that.

- x -

"My family moved here just as I was about to start college," she said quietly, her head bowed as she kept in synchronized step with me. "I didn't know that I was the only British around for miles. On the first day I tried to make friends and everything, but because of my accent, people thought I was a highbrow and a snob."

I stifled a wince. I clearly knew that if given the chance, I would be one of those people.

"So I kept quiet instead, and played along. I took everything in stride. It was better to be alone then have friends who would stab you in the back," Naminé smiled sadly, before continuing in her British accent. "Besides, I'm used to being alone. Mother and Father were rarely home. I never got really close to my nana. I taught myself how to draw and how to become better at it."

This was getting harder and harder by the minute. The drawing she had given me was crumpled already at the bottom of my backpack; I had not given it a second thought after I had called Axel. It struck me how ungrateful I was.

"I kept asking my parents when we were moving back to London, and they told me it would be during Christmas break, until --- "

"Roxas! Hey...uh..." Riku trailed off, still holding the door to the swimming pool area open. He was alternating a stare between me and Naminé, before running a hand through his already-wet hair. "Well. See you inside."

He let go of the door, and I turned to Naminé. "You were saying...?"

She shook her head, staring at her feet. "It's nothing. You go ahead and be with your friends."

"Oh. Okay...I'll see you around, then?" I asked, averting my gaze.

"That would be fine," she replied, and to my surprise, she reached for my hand and squeezed it. Sincere gratefulness was in her voice. "Thank you for saving me."

I could almost hear the unspoken line, _in more ways than one_.

"Anytime," I managed to choke out, watching as she whirled around on her heels and walked off, drawing her hair over her shoulder and leaving the unmistakable scent of vanilla behind. Huh? As far as I know, Naminé didn't even wear perfume...

Shaking my head to clear my thoughts, I pushed the double doors open and flung my bag to the nearest bench. Riku hoisted himself out of the water and propped his elbows up on the edge of the pool. I growled at him and collapsed on the tiles, leaning on the benches as I did.

"Well?" he asked.

I bared my teeth.

He slicked the silver hair on his face backwards, and regarded me with a smirk and two devious aquamarine orbs. "Looks like I'll be getting some extra money this Christmas..."

"You wish," I retorted, just as Sora and Tidus surfaced. They probably held one of their hold-their-breath-underwater training.

"We wish what?" Sora asked, wide-eyed. "Whoa! You finally backed off the bet?"

Riku dunked Sora before the brunet could react.

Tidus rolled his eyes, and pulled himself out of the water. He walked over to the bench next to me and picked up a towel, starting to dry his hair with it. "I can tell you're having second thoughts, Roxas."

"I'm not," I said stubbornly, folding my arms. "I was just trying to figure out how I'd do it, that's all. BHK never backs down from a dare, Tidus."

"That's the problem," he said quietly, picking up his bag and slinging it over his shoulder, heading in the direction of the locker rooms. "You don't have to be BHK all the time. You've already proven your point."

"Wha---"

"RIKU! YOU JERK! I ALMOST DIED!"

"Sora! Calm down!"

"I. Almost. Died!"

"Roxas! Lend me a pen, will you, so Sora can actually _almost die_!"

I pillowed my head onto my arms, willing the incoming headache to go away and leave me alone. Instead, I set myself on perfecting the date thing; everything must go without a hitch. And tomorrow, Riku would be handing me the money instead of vice-versa.

I smiled involuntarily.

- x -

"Hello? Good evening...may I please speak to Naminé?"

"_In a moment_," the voice said. I took a deep breath, mentally steeling myself. This was no big deal. I was just going to invite her to dinner, right? No biggie...considering the fact that in the eighteen years that I had been on this earth, I have never asked somebody out to dinner.

Not to mention that after dinner, I was supposed to...well...uh...make out with my date. Without her knowing. God, life sucked.

_Think of the money_, I told myself. _The money. And Riku's face after_.

"_Hello?_"

"Oh! Hi, Nam," I managed to choke out, almost dropping the phone at the sound of her voice.

"_Well, good evening, Roxas,_" she said formally, but I could almost imagine the small smile playing on her lips right now. "_Why've you called?_"

"Uh..." I hesitated. Was I really going to do this? "Are you busy tonight?"

A pause. "_I don't think so._"

"Well, may I take you out to dinner tonight?"

I swallowed painfully. My fingers felt numb against the plastic of the cordless phone, and I ran a hand nervously through my hair. Naminé had paused longer, probably taking her time to consider it. After all, I had only known her for more than a week. Who was I for her to trust?

"_Of course, Roxas. Anything for you_."

Somehow, my stomach clenched even more painfully as she said those words. A question echoed through my mind as we made arrangements for us to meet later tonight.

Would she really do anything for me? Even let me get to second base with her?

I sighed, and started to prepare. I mounted the camcorder in a discreet corner of my bedroom, took out a medicine bottle, and started to find something to wear.

- x -

ah. Roxas, you jerk.

feed me reviews...please? pretty please?

flames are accepted.


	3. to do or not to do

ah...the holidays. with the air so cold and the atmosphere so warm...

Kingdom Hearts is not mine. Clare & Bonné's, however, is.

(**A Christmas Cliché**)

III: to do or not to do -- you're screwed either way, anyway

- x -

Clare & Bonné's was a mix of Starbucks and Mcdonald's. That was the nearest thing I could use to describe the place where I worked. Sure it had the ambiance, but the atmosphere itself was one of cheeriness and casualness.

It was more crowded than ever, seeing that it was Christmas season, anyway. The owner had taken every liberty of decorating the café for the holidays. The large windows were framed with green boughs; random wreaths hung everywhere. Mistletoe hung from beams and more than a few kisses were stolen. Even the waiters were wearing Santa outfits.

I bit my lip, and looked out the window. People outside were bustling to and fro; lights were everywhere.

I never liked Christmas. It reminded me of something I could never have. All I could do was content myself with the material things I had made into a replacement for the absence of my family.

A soft and slow instrumental rendition of 'Jingle Bells' tinkled out from some unseen speaker. I fingered the green and red ribbon on the bouquet of pink roses I had just bought for Naminé. It was expected for the guy to bring flowers on a date, right? Even if the date was just a farce.

I didn't love Naminé; I didn't even remotely like her. We were acquaintances; that was the most I can truly say about us. I was only in this for the money. Besides, there were plenty of other men who were better suited for the flaxen-haired girl. She did say she was going to move back to her hometown right after Christmas break, right?

"Well, what time did you say to meet again?" Yuffie, one of my co-workers, chirped loudly, making every patron within earshot swivel their heads to look at me. All of them knew who I am and where I came from, and every single one was hoping that I would be happy, even for this one Christmas, at least.

"Seven-thirty," I mumbled dejectedly, blushing as I did. I didn't need to be happy on Christmas.

"She's bound to be here soon!" she exclaimed happily, her Santa hat set jauntily on her head. "It's already fifteen past seven and --- _whoa_."

"What!" I exclaimed, alarmed at the way she --- and all the males in the vicinity --- fell silent. I heard the bell attached to the door jingle as it shut closed.

"Is...is this Clare & Bonné's?" a hesitant voice with a distinct British accent asked.

"Ah!" I could hear Yuffie's voice echo throughout the café. "Roxie's right this way..."

I cringed; I _hated_ that nickname. It made me sound like a girl. Heaving a sigh, I looked up to see what Yuffie was up to now. And when I saw Naminé, I gaped.

Her cheeks were flushed, and she was wearing a simple white thigh-length dress under a sky-blue cardigan. Similarly blue sandals adorned her feet, and simple pearl studs were attached to her ears. A thin mother-of-pearl bracelet encircled her wrist.

Now, she didn't look anymore different than usual, but somehow she carried herself differently. Her back was straighter, I noticed, and the small smile on her lips didn't seem to go away.

And I noticed, with a sinking feeling in my stomach, that it was the glow of a person who was in love. God, what had I gotten myself into?

"Hello," she said happily, the smell of vanilla lingering in the air.

"H-here," I stammered nervously, handing her the bouquet of roses, not making eye contact with her.

"Thank you, Roxas," Naminé glanced up at me, and the first full smile I have seen her give graced her pink lips.

Something told me that this was going to be a long evening.

- x -

"You're allergic to sunflowers?"

I nodded, embarassed to reveal such a weird trait. I have no idea why, but sunflowers make me go into anaphylactic shock, which was only supposed to happen when a bee stung you or something. Strange. "What about you, are you allergic to anything?"

Naminé laughed quietly, running her fingers over a rose. "You sound like my doctor," she said in her lilting voice, heavily tinged with British accent. "I'm allergic to dust bunnies, anything of that sort."

"You do have asthma," I pointed out.

She nodded to the table, and glanced up at me. "So I do. And so do you. I've had asthma since I was a child."

"Must be hard, right?"

She shook her head, and poked a finger another rose. "No...I wasn't really of an active child, if you could say that. I had no playmates, so I spent most of my time indoors, and I was safe from the usual exertion. Mother and Father weren't exactly the touchy...feely type, if you know what I mean."

I wanted so much to tell her I don't, seeing that I hardly knew my own parents, but I wisely decided against it and just nodded in reply.

We had finished the main courses, and, as usual, the food was great. Although the dressing of Naminé's salad suspiciously looked like a drizzled heart, and my steak had been cut into something that remotely resembled a heart, it went rather well. After this is over, I'll exact my revenge on the cook and the scheming staff of Clare and Bonné's.

Dessert was next, and we both ordered apple pie alà mode. We were now just waiting for it to arrive, and while we waited, I found out Naminé was a rather good conversationalist after all. Maybe the only reason why people spread the rumor around that she couldn't carry a conversation well was that they didn't like her accent.

"You know," she suddenly said, turning to look outside the window, "Sometimes, I dread Christmas. My parents shall force me to attend socials that I don't really want to be a part of. They'd leave me money in an envelope instead of giving me a gift...I mean, a wrapped one. It's just not the same...And for the past ten years, I haven't spent Christmas with the both of them present. It's always just me and my nana."

She paused, and frowned. "I'm sorry for rambling, Roxas."

I opened my mouth to answer, but she cut me off.

"...I'll just go use the washroom," Naminé stood up, her eyes shimmering with unshed tears. "I'll be back soon."

And before I could even reply, she had disappeared into the café crowd.

I stared at her iced coffee absentmindedly, wondering which was worse: spending Christmas alone because your parents are dead, or spending Christmas alone because your parents would rather be somewhere else?

Beads of water condensed on the side of her tall glass.

And another opportunity hit me right between the eyes. I hurriedly plunged my hand into my pocket and took out a small pill, wrapped in a miniscule plastic bag.

It was a very potent sleeping pill; one that I had picked up from the local drugstore a few months earlier. Normally, it wasn't available to the general public, but I had connections. The drinker was guaranteed to have a sound night's sleep. I decided it would be enough. Once she passes out, I'd volunteer to take her home. Then I'd just prop Naminé up the wall and start kissing the living daylights out of her. Hopefully, it'd be enough to fool Riku.

I swallowed and looked around; everyone else was occupied with something. This was the right moment to move and slip in the pill.

My conscience, however, was not allowing me to do it so easily. I bit my lip and my conscience waged mental war as I broke the pill open.

_Don't do this._

I need the money.

_Can you live with the guilt?_

Yes, I can do anything if I try to. I _am_ BHK, right? I can do anything!

_As Tidus said, you don't have to be BHK all the time, Roxas..._

One of the patrons suddenly gave a loud laugh, and without thinking, I dumped the white powder inside the pill into Naminé's glass. The powder dissolved almost immediately.

I can't do this!

Panicking, I reached for the glass, but at that exact moment, Naminé's voice caught me off-guard. "I'm back," she announced in her lilt, sliding into the booth across me. "What're you doing?" she asked, eyeing my hand, which was frozen around her iced coffee.

"I was going to stir your coffee...It was...well, it was getting watery," I finished lamely.

"That's nice of you," she said, stirring the iced cofee herself with her straw. "Thank you for being so nice to me..." She trailed off, bringing the white tube of plastic up to her lips and preparing to take a sip---

"Heya!" Yuffie chirped once more, and thankfully, Naminé jerked backwards in surprise. "Here's your slices of pie!" she set down two plates of, as promised, golden-brown apple pie with a large scoop of vanilla ice cream on top.

"Thank you," Naminé's face lit up with a smile. "I'm sure we're going to enjoy these."

"You'd better," the ebony-haired girl said through mock-gritted teeth, before bursting into giggles and disappearing into the general direction of the counter. I stared after her, an unwilling smile working itelf onto my lips. Yuffie can sure defuse a tense situation sometimes.

I turned back to Naminé.

"_No!_" I yelled, making her freeze in the act of drinking from her iced coffee. Tainted iced coffee.

She blinked, and set down her glass, much to my relief. "What's the matter, Roxas?"

I grabbed the glass from the table in front of her and dumped its contents into the nearest potted plant ---which, fortunately, was just by our seats. Unfortunately, it was a poinsettia plant, and it was at the peak of blooming. No matter. Plants can be replaced. Naminé's trust in me cannot.

I set the glass down heavily on the table, and raised my eyes to find the sight of a bewildered Naminé staring at me. I guess I could make up some absurd explanation about how caffeine is supposed to build up a plant's growth or something, but those explanations worked only in books and dreams. This was real life, and more importantly, this was _my_ life.

"Roxas, what...?"

"Naminé," I licked my dry lips, staring at the apple pie in front of her, instead of directly at her. "I can't take this anymore. I just can't..."

"Roxas..."

"This was all just a dare, Naminé," I ground out, squeezing my eyes shut. "I was dared, for money, to take you to second base and to record it all. It had to happen before Christmas, or I lose. This was the reason I wanted to get close to you all of a sudden. I slipped a sleeping pill into your iced coffee so that it would be easier."

"I just..." When I opened my eyes once more, they were watering already. I didn't dare to look at her straight in the face. "I didn't want to do it anymore. I don't want to go through with this act anymore. I don't want to ruin your trust in me..." I laughed hollowly, "But it seems like I already did. I don't love you, Naminé, I don't even like you, and it seems that I never will."

"Oh." I looked up. Apparently, she was staring at her apple pie too, while I went through my confession. Naminé glanced upwards and met my eye. She blinked twice. "Okay."

I stared at her disbelievingly. _That_ was what she was just going to say? What the hell? Was _that_ what she meant by 'taking everything in stride'? Was she really that much of a saint?

She stared back at me, and something that dangerously looked like hope shimmered in her cerulean blue eyes. "But we still can start over, right?"

"No," I spat, furious with her reaction for a reason I don't really know why. "We can't."

A small 'oh' escaped from her lips, and she took her fork and started slicing through the apple pie. She continued as if nothing had happened. "Well?" she looked up, and cocked her head to the side. "The ice cream is going to melt, and liquid ice cream isn't exactly pleasant."

Gritting my teeth, I got to my feet. I expected a reaction out of her, but not like _this_. She was supposed to get angry at me and everything, even say that she was never going to speak to me ever again. Not...not just sit there and calmly finish dessert like nothing had happened.

"I guess," she paused, chewing thoughtfully without looking up from the table. "I'll see you around, then?"

Breathing heavily, I stepped out from behind the booth and walked away without a word.

I could feel the gaze of the patrons burning into my back as I passed, but I didn't care. All I knew was that I had to get out of the café and _fast_. I wrenched the door open violently and stepped out into the frigid evening air, hating her and myself and this _day_ for turning out to be so rotten. As soon as the night air surged through my nostrils I started to wheeze uncontrollably. I took out my inhaler with trembling fingers and breathed in the medicated spray.

As I went on home, I took one last glance at Naminé through the tinsel-framed window of Clare and Bonné's. The only indication that something had happened was the single tear tracing its path down her cheek.

'Jingle Bells' continued to play out on the sidewalk.

- x -

Life is an irony sometimes. Maybe Fate decided that she'd just play darts instead of paying attention to our lives, and somebody'll end up with a day to end all rotten days. I decided that, as of this moment, that somebody was me.

I didn't sleep a wink last night; all I could think of was the solitary tear Naminé had shed when I looked back at her when I left. Incredible guilt was the feeling that haunted me when I walked the pathways of the university. The crisp morning air didn't give my eyelids a chance to droop closed --- and if it didn't, my conscience was the one that did not let me rest.

I cut across the grass to reach our building, wondering how'd I survive today. I suspected that my Math professor, being the evil creature that she was, would spring a surprise exam on us as a Christmas present. And given teachers' uncanny ability to give exams on the same day without even knowing, I knew I was in for one hell of a day.

Walking past the double doors and past the Santa-suited security guard, I traipsed to my first class, Java Programming II. It was one hell of a hard class, and now that Christmas vacation was fast approaching, my professor was cramming as much as he could into the two days left before term was adjourned. My head was starting to hurt when I thought about it...in fact, my mind was so much on the bet the past days that I hadn't really had enough time to think about anything else.

And with the bet, came the thought of a particular flaxen-haired girl.

Even though there was no love lost between Naminé and I, I had insulted her as a human being by playing with her feelings. I still had a heart, after all, and now I was at a loss at how to make it up to her.

"Oh, Roxas!"

I raised my eyes from the tiled floors, and blinked twice in rapid succession. Speak of the ---

"Good morning," Naminé said in her usual quiet British accent, but with more of a tinge of sadness, rather than happiness.

"I, uh, uhm--" I stammered, but by the time I found my voice, she had already gone halfway past me down the hallway.

I stared at her retreating fugure as she walked down the empty hallway, alone with her black mary-janes clicking rhythm into the floor, walking away from me. And for some unknown reason, it hurt.

- x -

One would never have thought that the simple act of sitting down at a table could elicit so many varied responses. But when I sat down at our usual table, with my usual lunch consisting of a burger and a can of Coke, my friends did just that.

Kairi and Selphie exchanged one of those glances that females were famous for: a gigabyte's worth of information could be passed along with just one well-timed look. Sora looked bewildered, alternating a stare between me and Riku. Tidus was poking a chopstick at his teriyaki with a miserably-hid smile.

I popped my Coke open and took a long swig, before turning into Riku's direction across the table and sighing. "Riku..." I paused, staring dejectedly at the table. The trouble me and my big ego got into. "The deal's over; I lost."

The smirk that appeared on the silver-haired teen's face was enough to be considered illegal. It was a smug, happy, condenscending and triumphant grin all rolled into one facial expression. And it suited Riku perfectly.

"Ah, you can keep the money," I pressed on, running a hand through my hair and trying to redeem myself. "I'll just have to work overtime at the café, that's all..."

Sora made a noise that was a cross between a dry sob and a laugh, cleary torn between feeling sorry for me and going into one of his I-_told_-you-so moments. The girls smiled their hateful secret smile, and Tidus just continued stabbing at the meat in his bowl, albeit with a larger smile, almost a grin, on his face.

Riku smirked once more. "Ahah," he laughed. "I told you you couldn't..."

His smirk faded away when I raised my head once more to face him; the expression on my face was probably more than enough to shut him up. He fell silent, biting his lip and staring into his salad instead.

I sighed, and started tracing the rim of my Coke can absentmindedly. I did not miss any of the sympathetic looks Kairi shot my way; I felt that I really needed them.

- x -

I found myself waiting outside her Theatre Arts class. I had cut my Literature class just to be able to get there before the dismissal bell rung. I had no idea why, but cutting class felt trivial when compared to restoring her trust in me.

I shifted uneasily from one foot to another, and avoided eye contact with the students walking by. As quickly as the news had spread that Naminé and I were an item, the rumor that we had broken up spread like wildfire. Of course, to me, the flaxen-haired girl had been nothing but a means to achieve an end...but to my relief, nobody knew the truth that I had just courted Naminé on a dare. Probably she, being the saint that she is, decided not to tell, in favor of my reputation.

And somehow it even made me more uncomfortable.

Both doors of the mock-theatre swung outwards, and students filed out in droves. Apparently, the professor had taught his combined classes together today.

I stood in the middle of the two doors, glancing every now and then between them to catch a glimpse of pale blonde hair. A few minutes later, I saw Naminé's pale form emerge from the crowd, the sketchpad clutched customarily to her chest.

She looked around, and I met her gaze.

Honestly, she looked surprised to see me.

"Hello," she said softly, barely enough to carry over the chatter of the crowd, but I heard it as if she was standing next to my ear and screaming.

Once again I froze, unable to think of anything coherent to say.

"Well, I guess you're waiting for somebody else," Naminé stuck out her lower lip slightly, and she tightened the grip on her sketchbook. "B'bye then."

I just watched her walk away from me. For the second time in this day. God, I have to stop doing that. I wanted so much to run in her footsteps and yell that I was waiting for _her_, but my feet felt rooted to the ground. All I really wanted...no, _needed_ to do was just the ability to be able to greet her back.

- x -

guilt hurts, kiddies.

nyeee.

read i'll get back to you.

flames are accepted.


	4. i can't smile without you

Christmas is near...or Kwanzaa, depending on where you are. Hanukkah too.

It's a season of celebration in general.

Kingdom Hearts...I wish I could get this for the holidays.

(**A Christmas Cliché**)

IV: i can't smile without you

- x -

Today was the last day of classes before term ended and Christmas vacation began. My professors had, in fact, suddenly caught a bad case of Christmas cheer; as soon as they entered the classroom, they'd give us a problem set and then dismiss the class. I think I preferred whole-day discussion with no homework rather than no classes with an overload of homework.

So here I was, walking along the university's streets, with my hands shoved into my pockets and my gaze to the overcast sky.

I haven't seen her today.

She's started avoiding me. That was the natural thing I had expected her to do, but why did it make me feel like my heart's suddenly skipping a beat or two? Was this what guilt felt like when it gnaws you slowly away?

Argh. It's my fault, anyway, so it's right to just leave it be.

I turned around a corner and into the largest university cafeteria, and my eyes automatically strayed to one particular table under silver tinsel. I could almost see her pale form, with her cerulean blue eyes staring out the window and the pencil poised on the paper. _Almost._

I blinked, and suddenly remembered I still had the drawing she gave me. Half-jogging to our usual table, I propped my bag up with one knee and started feeling around the bottom.

"Roxas, wha---" Sora started, looking up from his carbonara, but he stopped short and watched me interestedly instead.

My fingers brushed against a concertina-folded piece of paper, and I gingerly pulled it out, my heartbeat racing along with illegal speed.

It was an advertisement for an upcoming garage sale in one of the other departments. I groaned in dismay, balled it up and chucked it right into the middle of our lunch table, narrowly missing Riku's customary salad.

"What's up with you?" the silver-haired teen narrowed both aquamarine eyes, and I matched him stare for stare, before starting to rummage through my bag again.

"I'm looking for something," I snapped, gritting my teeth, "Isn't it obvious?"

He snorted derisively, picked up his own bag, and took out a brown-wrapped rectangular piece of _something_. I blinked, uncomfortable with the fact that it was somehow the same size as Naminé's drawing. He handed it to me, and I took it with numb fingers.

"I was going to use it as blackmail," Riku was saying softly as I slowly unwrapped the package. My breath hitched; it _was_ Naminé's drawing! He had even framed it! "But seeing that it's no longer needed...well, you can keep it..."

I stared at him, and tilted my head in an unspoken question.

"And yeah," he bit his lip, and guilt flashed across his eyes, "You know that day in the pool? While you were waiting for us to finish blitz practice? When I hollered I needed a pen to kill Sora?"

"Leave me out of this!" the brunet said indignantly, but Riku pressed on. "You were so caught up in your thoughts that you didn't notice me come out of the water and actually get a pen from your bag, you know, so I can scare him," he jabbed a finger in Sora's direction, "But while I was rummaging through your bag I came across _that_. And so I thought, well, I could use it as blackmail when I needed to..." he trailed off.

I bowed my head and slid my fingers across the glass, noticing that the paper still bore the marks of having been crumpled unmercifully. "She draws so well..." I whispered, tracing the charcoal lines.

I felt five pairs of eyes burning into the top of my head, and I lifted my gaze to catch all of them staring at me with unreadable expressions on their faces. I felt the blood rush to my cheeks when I realized what they were probably thinking right now. "I don't like her!" I said hotly, pushing the framed picture into my bag and sitting down between Kairi and Tidus. "It's just that...I feel guilty, okay!"

"Dude," Tidus cracked a smile, "You don't have to be so defensive."

I picked up Riku's fork and tried to stab Tidus with it. He dodged, and Riku wrenched his fork back.

"Oh yeah," I glanced at the silver-haired boy before taking out my wallet from my back pocket. I flipped it open, and took out my skateboarding winnings, which I haven't removed from my wallet ever since I had won. I handed the rather thick wad of money to Riku. "You won, right?" I miraculously managed to keep my voice even. "Here's your winnings."

He stared at me for a good fifteen seconds before taking the money and pocketing it.

Kairi and Selphie simultaneously shot Riku a glare.

"Come off it, guys," I told them resignedly, getting to my feet. "He won fair and square. And now if you'll excuse me," I swallowed, and stole a glance at the table where Naminé usually sat, "I'm going to buy lunch."

- x -

I think I'm going crazy.

Today, every single time I turned around a corner, I was expecting to see Naminé. Even a sliver of pale skin and flaxen hair. Even to just catch a glimpse of her in the crowd.

I. Needed. To. See. Her.

And apologize. _Just_ apologize.

Heck, I didn't even like her. It was just that, the guilt had my life in a chokehold and would _not_ let go.

Now I'm walking home, feeling dejected and with my conscience jabbering away in my head. I stared up into the sunset sky, wondering if she'd ever forgive me, if I didn't even ask for forgiveness yet.

People around me were laughing and joking and generally having a good time. Classes were officially dismissed for Christmas vacation, and the univeristy's streets were crowded with students, even professors, who were going out to celebrate.

I wonder if she was celebrating too...

An idea suddenly hit me, and I heaved my backpack over my shoulder and sprinted to the Registrar's Office, not caring if the frigid night air was turning my nose blue with coldness. I skidded to a stop in front of their double doors, dug out my I.D and showed it to the Santa-suited security guard, and sprinted inside, to the nearest counter.

"May I," I paused, struggling to catch my breath. The personnel, a young woman with ebony-black hair and equally black eyes, with the nameplate announcing to the world that she was 'Tifa', smiled bemusedly from behind the glass. I took a deep breath. "May I please have access to the student directory?"

"Are you a student?" She asked.

I flashed my I.D. in front of her face.

"Are you a stalker?" she pressed on, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

I shot her an indignant glare. 'Tifa' beamed, cradled her chin in one cupped hand, and leant down on the counter.

"Are you a lovesick stalker who doesn't want the girl's Christmas to be ruined?"

I groaned, and resisted the urge to punch the glass and earn myself probation. "Can you _please_ give me access to the student directory?"

She smiled sweetly, apparently taking delight in seeing me get all flustered. She turned away from the glass and bent down in front of the nearest computer, and tapped a few keys. Tilting her head thoughtfully, she straightened up and walked back.

I blinked. "Wait, you haven't even asked for --- "

"Ivalice lives at #813 Crystal Street, Aurora Circle, Twilight Heights Subdivision," she rattled off without missing a beat.

I gaped at her, as she slid a slip of paper with said address under the glass. "How'd you---"

"Hey, I _do_ keep up with the news, kid," Tifa grinned, tapping her fingers against the glass to the beat of Jingle Bells. "Now shoo; if you run, you'll be there in less than thirty minutes."

Picking up the slip of paper and rereading it again, I muttered a hurried 'Thank you' before spinning on my heels and sprinting in the general direction of the subdivision. From what I heard in the streets, Twilight Heights was one of the most exclusive neighborhoods in town, and the people there were either really rich, or had really good connections. I knew Riku's family had a home there, so it must be really high-end.

Two harried guards, fifty paragraphs of directions, three wrong turns, four sessions with my inhaler, and twenty minutes later, I was standing in front of one of the grandest mansions I have ever seen in my life. The impressive façade was painted entirely in white, with a few touches of gilt and silver. Massive lawns, perfectly manicured, were spread around. They even had a driveway to rival a four-way intersection in the city.

I swallowed nervously, gingerly stepping up to the white marble porch and pressing a hooded button, which I assumed was the doorbell.

A few seconds later, one of the massive doors creaked open, and a girl, no older than me, clothed in a traditional maid outfit and clutching a book, peeked out. She blinked when she saw me, and opened the door completely. "Good evening," she greeted, with the same British accent Naminé had.

"Uh," I shuffled my feet, and fingered the slip of papar in my pocket. "Can I please talk to Naminé?"

An unreadable expression crossed her face at the sound of the flaxen-haired girl's name, and she averted her gaze. "Miss Naminé is..." she looked over her shoulder, "...not here, Sir...?"

"Roxas," I answered hastily. "Roxas Hikari."

"Sir Roxas," she tugged subconsciously at the hem of her skirt. "I am sorry, but I don't know when Miss Naminé would be coming back---" She blinked, and her sentence sounded like she cut it off on purpose; like she had something else to say but couldn't. Naminé had probably told her not to tell anyone she was inside the house.

If that was Naminé's decision, I respected it completely. "Well...if she does come back, would you please tell her to call me? I gave her my number a while back," I told the now-nervously fidgeting girl. She was clearly uncomfortable with lying. "Thanks."

"As you wish," she bowed quickly, almost too quickly. I took this as a sign that I was to leave at that moment.

I didn't miss the small, pitying smile on her face when I looked back, just before she closed the door.

- x -

"Oh, here's Hayner," Yuffie chirped, catching the Santa hat I tossed her and passing it on to the new arrival. "You can go, Roxie..."

"I'm already going," I reminded her, giving my replacement, Hayner, a friendly punch on the shoulder as I passed him. He smacked me back, and I grinned at him. "I'll be back tomorrow!"

A chorus of goodbyes, from both patrons and staff, answered back, and I raised a hand in goodbye. I pushed the door open and stepped out into the cool night, rubbing my hands slightly to keep them warm. 'Jingle Bells' was still playing out of the speaker outside. I really had to talk to Yuffie about changing the song.

I had started walking when a warm hand clapped onto my shoulder, and instinctively, I shoved my hand in my pocket and brought out the Swiss knife I always carried around in case I get assaulted or something.

Riku stared back at me with a deer-in-headlights expression on his face. He was hardly breathing.

"I thought you were somebody else," I said sheepishly, snapping the knife back into its holder and sliding it back into my pocket. Riku fell into step beside me as I started walking once more.

"So...Roxas..." he hesitated for a split second, and took out his wallet. I stared at him as he took out the same wad of money I had given him earlier. "I..."

"Dude," I said disbelievingly. "Keep it. You won."

He shook his head, and blew a stray hair out of his face. "Nah. It's Christmas and all, Rox, I don't want to make it any more sadder than it has to be."

A very uncomfortable pause, but I knew Riku meant well by what he had said. My circle of friends knew even if I always kept on a smile during the holidays, deep down, I was crying because of loneliness.

He suddenly shoved the money into my hands, whirled around, and sprinted away, before I could even react. All I could do was stare after him as he disappeared into the crowd.

Shaking my head, I unfurled the wad of cash, only to notice that there was another folded piece of paper tucked inside. I tucked the rest of the money inside my wallet and slid it into my pocket, before curiously unfolding the paper.

It was a check. That technically contained an amount that was equal to four times my skateboard winnings.

Riku was insane. That I knew. I turned my head again to stare at where the silver-haired teen had disappeared, wondering what had gotten into his head. Maybe he had caught the virus that was called 'Christmas Cheer' in these parts.

Whatever it was, however, I was grateful.

- x -

I found out that the money I had now was enough to buy the apartment _and_ have even more left over. I took some of the excess and deposited it in the bank, while the rest, I allotted for gifts. It _was_ Christmas season, after all.

In the past few days, between shifts at the café and running errands, I trekked across the town, trying to find suitable gifts for my friends. I berated myself for not going gift-shopping earlier; the volume of people were greater, and the prices were higher. However, I managed to snag Sora one of those keychains he was going on and _on_ about, nonstop -- I got him a onyx crown-shaped one. I bought Kairi one, too, a rather slinky-looking design with an angel's wing and something that looked like a cross.

For Selphie I got her a box of gourmet mint chocolate; she was addicted to sugar. But thinking of the sugar rush and the hyperness she would exude right after eating it, Tidus would probably kill me. I think he and the brunette like each other. In more ways than one.

Speaking of Tidus, I bought him a new pair of swimming trunks and goggles; he loved to swim --- that's why he's the blitzball team captain, after all. I took particular care in picking out his goggles; I still haven't forgotten what he had told me in the pool the other day.

And lastly, but definitely not the least, I planned to give Riku...actually, I had no idea what to give him yet.

Which was why I was here, walking the streets, trying to find a suitable gift for the silver-haired teen. What do you give the person who has everything? I groaned, and pulled my jacket closer around my body. Riku was the hardest, so far, to get a gift for.

I blinked, and backtracked a few steps. I was now standing in front of a jewelry store, and it suddenly hit me that I could just get Riku a cool necklace or something like that and just get on with my life.

I walked inside, and I immediately noticed that it was playing the same 'Jingle Bells' at Clare and Bonné's. A few customers, all of them in pairs, were hovering over the display cases and pointing at random pieces of jewelry. Frowning, I took a look around and stopped at the earrings section. Riku _did_ have pierced ears, but he always wore the same diamiond stud every single day.

Yes! I had the solution...One of the clerks came over to me and just sort of...stood by me. I glanced up into her nameplate, and I gaped at her.

"Hi," Tifa greeted, putting a hand on her hips. "See anything you like?"

I started wheezing uncontrollably in shock, and I had to fumble around my pocket for my inhaler and inhale two puffs before I could reply. "You scared me," I said in a low voice. "You work here?"

"What does it look like?" she said in that same bemused tone, twirling one of the display stands around.

I rolled my eyes, and pointed at one of the pairs of earrings. This one was silver, and was in the shape of an stylized heart. Perfect for someone like Riku; bold yet understated at the same time. He could be mistaken for a girl, anyway. "I'll take that," I murmured, fighting the urge to grimace at the price.

"Nice choice," she said dryly, going behind the counter and picking out the earrings. She carefully placed them into a box and tied it methodically with silver ribbon.

I was reaching for my wallet when another piece of jewelry caught my eye. It was a ring, rather. A clear cerulean blue crystal was set on a circle of silver. It reminded me, curiously, of Naminé's eyes...

Wait. Was I supposed to give her a gift, too? My conscience was telling me to go ahead and give her one, but my common sense was telling me that she probably hated me now and would rather never see me again.

I took out my wallet and counted the money out. I had exactly enough only for Riku's earring. _Even if I had the money, no matter, _I thought, shrugging off the mental war my conscience was waging once again. Naminé and I were only acquaintances, after all. I was under no obligation to give her anything.

"Ah," Tifa broke through my reverie, smiling mischieviously as she leant on the display case, a finger pointing directly down at the ring I had been looking at. "_That_ is part of a set. It's called an eternity ring," she explained. "You know, like a high-end friendship ring. It's supposed to be a pair, but somebody bought only one of the rings. One of the other employees mistakenly sold it as a single item."

"Oh," was all that I could manage to say. The ring _was_ beautiful.

"You want to take it too?"

I shook my head, staring down moodily at my money. "Aside from the fact that I don't have enough money, I don't have anyone to give it to. I don't wear jewelry."

She laughed, bent down, took the ring and mounted it inside a small velvet box. She snapped it closed, dropped it into the paper bag where she had placed Riku's gift, and pushed it across the glass in my direction.

"I told you, I don't have enough mo--"

Tifa wagged a finger in front of my nose, and the mischievous smile was back. "These are on the house. Think of it as a Christmas present."

I gaped at her once more, and shot her a scandalized look. "You can't do that! Your boss might fire you!"

She tapped my nose with her finger. "Roxas, I own this place."

"Oh." Once again, that was all I could say. "But why...?"

Her smile softened, and she straightened up. "I knew your parents, Roxas. We were next-door neighbors before they passed away. I knew you'd eventually forget me, but..." she cocked her head in the direction of the paper bag, "I wanted to pass on the goodness they showered me with onto you."

"T-thanks," I managed to stammer.

She winked at me before turning to help another customer.

- x -

Once again, my feet were betraying me.

I swear, I was just walking around town, seeing the sight our town was at night, when I suddenly found myself standing in front of the Ivalice mansion...just like the past five days.

Okay, so it probably wasn't solely my feet's fault.

I bit my lip, staring up into their mansion, studying the white curtains fluttering inside the windows. Over the past days someone had gradually been decorating this place --- boughs of holly were spread on the panels, Christmas trees were spread equally over the lawn, and wreaths decorated the front door and every window. Christmas lights were strung artistically across the walls, twinkling sporadically.

But no matter how they decorated this place, I still felt a strange air of melancholy. Maybe because there were so few people around. The maid greeted me every day with what obviously was a plastic smile plastered to her face. It never reached her eyes, so to speak.

I stared absentmindedly at their front door.

I almost fell backwards on the pavement when it swung open, revealing a very harried man in a business suit. He had rather windswept blonde hair streaked with white, and wrinkles lined the edges of his contrasting baby-blue eyes. He was obviously going through a hard time, judging from the way he carried himself.

He turned around, and caught my eye. I froze in place; I couldn't tear away my eyes from his.

"Who are you, and what is your business here?" he demanded, his voice authoritative and made even more intimidating by his British accent.

I swallowed nervously, and started fiddling with the strap of my backpack. "I...I...Roxas Hikari, sir."

His eyes narrowed.

I felt my knees start to shake. "I, I mean, uh, I just want to..." I stammered, inwardly cursing my inability to speak coherent sentences when extremely nervous. Gritting my teeth, I took a deep breath and let it all go. "I just wanted to wish your daughter a Merry Christmas, sir."

He turned back to face the door, and I recognized the maid whom I always met these past few days. Walking closer to the girl, he leant out of view, as if talking to her. He probably was; the maid was probably telling him how much of a stalker I was being. Which was partly true.

I ran a hand through my hair, trying to calm my nerves.

"Roxas, was it?" his voice suddenly called my name, and I raised my gaze to meet his. I nodded, and he went on. "Ah. Naminé speaks much of you."

She did? I wanted to voice out that question, but it felt really out of place. I remained silent and nodded numbly instead.

"Come," he gestured with a free hand, as he started walking back to their gate. "Get inside the limousine," he instructed me, pointing to a sleek, long car parked just beyond the metal grilles of their fence.

Licking my suddenly-dry lips, I did as he said, noting that right after the maid had spoken to him, his tone had been considerably softer.

- x -

"So. Do you have anything else to say?"

I bit my lip and stared at my hands, unwilling to meet Naminé's father's gaze. Dr. Alexander Ivalice had interrogated me as much as a father could possibly do. He had asked me what I thought of his daughter, what my intentions were, what my past was, how _old_ I was, what degree I was taking up, and so on and so forth. The list was too long to enumerate. I had tried using the skater-boy attitude earlier, but his questions sapped my strength away effortlessly.

I had no idea where he was taking me, nor did I have any idea how we were getting there; the limousine driver was driving much too fast for me to discern any road signs. Besides, with the questions Dr. Ivalice was firing at me, it was rather hard to concentrate on anything else.

"Roxas..."

"Uh..." I paused, trying to stall. I then decided that it didn't work. He hadn't brought up the subject of the dare yet.

All I could tell, by the way that he questioned me, that he thought I was one -- 'the only close friend', as he had put it -- of Naminé's friends, nothing more. Of course, it looked suspicious that I had been visiting her home for almost a week straight, without fail.

But I had the nagging feeling that he knew.

"Listen, Dr. Ivalice..." I started, biting my lip in anxiety. "Yes. I have something else to say..."

And I told him.

Honestly, I expected him to hit me or something, and for the first few seconds after my confession, I really thought he would. All he did, however, was heave a relieved sigh.

"We're here, Reno," he told the limousine driver. He turned to me, and, for the first time since I had met him, broke into a smile, a slight upward curve of the lips. Not a smile of pure joy, but an affectionate one nonetheless. It was one that a father would give, and my throat choked up with the thought. "I'm glad you told me...I'm glad that Naminé had found someone like you."

The door on my side opened. I cringed as guilt washed over me.

"She...my daughter has had a fondness for fountains, Roxas," he said in a strangely distant voice. "I'm sure she'll be pleased to see you."

"I, uh, thanks," I managed to choke out, before stumbling out of the limousine and out into the frigid night. His limousine driver, Reno, I presume, smiled shortly before getting back into the car. I waited until they drove away, and my breath hitched when I saw where I was.

Twilight Park was one of the main attractions of this town. I had been to this park once -- actually, slept on one of the benches -- and that experience emptied me of all the urge to visit it once again. I was fifteen back then, and I was surprised at how much could change after three years.

The silhouettes of trees were sparkling with miniscule teardrop lights. The wooden benches had been refinished, and the steel armrests repainted black. The park itself had undergone drastic relandscaping. In fact, the only thing that hadn't changed, in my eyes, was the fountain.

With geysers of water spouting fifteen feet high, and halogen lighting under the fountain's pool, it was one of the defining attractions of our town. Now that it was Christmas season, the lights that illuminated the jets of water were tinged with silver and gold.

And a figure was sitting on the pebbled rim of the pool. My breath hitched as I realized what Dr. Ivalice was referring to. I shoved my hands in my pocket and cut across the pavement, walking towards Naminé. Half of her body was twisted towards the fountain, and she appeared to be playing with the water.

She must have heard my footsteps, for she looked over her shoulder. Cerulean blue eyes shimmered brightly in her face, and the evening breeze picked up strands of flaxen hair and drew them over her shoulder.

"Hey," I said, at a loss of anything else to say.

She smiled her familiar half-smile. "Hello, Roxas. It may not look like it, but I'm surprised that you're here."

"Your father," I blurted out. "He...well, I was, I..."

"You're stammering again," Naminé said quietly, turning to fully face me and folding her hands on her lap. "You have no reason to be nervous around me. Father may be quite surprising, but he means well."

"Oh." I gingerly stepped over and sat down beside her, the stone feeling cool against my hands.

"But..." she looked at me. "How did you meet Daddy?"

I was surprised at the sudden change in term of endearment, but I let it slide and instead returned her gaze. "Well, I guess you could call it stalking...I wanted to apologize, you know. But for the past week, everytime I went to your home, you weren't there. And earlier, well...your dad caught me."

"I'm sorry I wasn't at home," she interrupted, looking away.

"Why---" I cut myself off, seeing the uncomfortable look on her face. I sensed this wasn't the right time to ask her wherever she was this past week. "Scratch that. Listen, Naminé, now that I finally caught you---"

"Caught me?" she asked bemusedly.

I groaned, and ran a hand through my hair. "Now that I finally caught _up_ with you, I want to say that I'm sorry for being such a stupid idiot."

"Stupid idiot is redundant," Naminé pointed out.

"I know. That's how stupid I am."

She laughed quietly, and drew her cardigan --- which I noticed, was the same one that she had worn on our 'date' --- tighter around her. "Don't worry about it, Roxas. I've forgiven you already."

I stared at her. For the first time, really took in her appearance. She was paler than ever, with haunting cerulean eyes, bleached flaxen hair, and pale-pink lips. Her lithe fingers, the ones that could draw so well, were laced primly on her lap. She had on the cardigan over a sort of loose white dress that billowed around her calves, and blue sandals were shod on her feet. The longer I stared at her, I noticed, the pinker her cheeks turned.

"Ah," I mentally kicked myself, tearing my gaze away. I didn't think that she'd be uncomfortable. "Sorry."

"It's okay," her British accent was hardly distinguishable, since her voice was so quiet.

Pregnant silence hung between us, while I racked my brain for something to say.

"You may go now," her words suddenly cut into the night air with a knife, and the matter-of-fact tone she took on was disturbing. I stared at her, and she stared back at me, before lowering her eyes.

"What?" I asked, feeling immensely bewildered. "Why?"

"You've already done what you came for, right?" she said, looking up blankly in front of her.

Her words rang true in my head. Technically, I _was_ free to go, since I had already apologized to her. I could just go and find a bus and leave her alone on this frigid December 20th. After all, she and I were mere acquaintances, right?

I bit my lip. Did she really think I was that heartless?

"Ah, don't worry." She smiled, but this curve of lips was notably a bitter one. "I'm used to being alone."

"Naminé," I started slowly, feeling my heart sink as she continued staring out into the night. "Tell me the truth. Do you hate me?"

She bowed her head, and clutched at the cotton fabric of her dress. "Yes," she whispered clearly but faintly.

"You don't have to be all quiet about it," I managed to say, staring straight ahead, but my voice had started cracking. "You don't have to keep it inside. You don't have to be alone all your life, Naminé."

"I hate you," she said quietly, tears streaming down her cheeks as she, for the second time since I had met her, silently leant her head against my shoulder and cried.

- x -

awww.

pretty background, 'awww' scene.

leave me a review. I'll try to get back yo ya.

flames are accepted. y'know. they'll keep me waaarm.


	5. twas the night before Christmas

Ehi.

i thought about this story while riding around the university at nine in the evening.

and seeing all them latenight-lovebirds under the stars.

it's amazing, i tell ya.

Kingdom Hearts (c) Square Enix

(**A Christmas Cliché**)

V: 'twas the night before Christmas

- x -

For the first time since I could remember, I was happy during the Christmas holidays.

I no longer felt the loneliness that had come to haunt me every single time December rolled around. During the day I poured myself into work at the café; I went out of my way to make the patrons happy. Yuffie and my other co-workers were constantly asking me about what miracle had come over me, that I was no longer the brooding, surly Roxas they had come to dread when the holidays came.

I just shrugged off their prying with a grin, or sometimes, when Yuffie's taunting grew a bit too much, I 'accidentally' spilled scalding hot coffee all over her apron.

Riku and the others would show up at Clare and Bonné's with alarming regularity. They'd joke around even more, thus resulting in even more 'accidents'. We arranged for a get-together on Christmas Day itself, at my apartment. I still hadn't gotten around to decorating it, nor did I have any plan of doing so. I believed in the saying 'What you see is what you get', anyway.

Except for Naminé. I spent every night with her, at the fountain, talking about college life and just plain _living _in general, talking until around midnight. I had to leave before then, because the last bus home came by before twelve, and the next bus was at five the next morning. I'd get on the bus and leave her alone, sitting on the fountain's rim as she played with the water.

I asked her why she was spending her nights at the park, when she could be cozy and warm inside her home, but she only replied with a simple, "I like the fountain more." I didn't question her reasoning.

Today was the 23rd of December, and I had the next two days off from my job at the café. I planned on asking her if I could spend the day with her, but I was uncomfortable with the thought. I mean, we had only truly become friends three days ago, but now I knew more about her than I did during the past two years. We were not only acquaintances now, but _friends_. I like her, I really do. Once you break down her defenses, she was a good companion.

"Nam," I called, walking up to her. She turned around from stirring the fountain water with a finger, and smiled.

"Rox," Naminé greeted back, looking up at me. "Ah, you're quite early tonight. It's only eight in the evening."

I scratched my head sheepishly, and took my usual place next to her. "The café let me off early. Besides, I'd rather spend time here with you than at work."

A beautifully innocent blush spread through her cheeks, and she shyly looked down at her feet. "Truly?"

I had to laugh at the formalness of her word. "Madly, deeply, do."

"Roxas!" she said indignantly, surprising me by taking a playful swipe at my head.

"Fine, fine! Really!" I laughed, fending her hand off and taking it in my own. Ignoring the surprised sound she made, I cradled her hand in one of my own and traced her palm with the other. "Are you cold?" I asked her concernedly, looking at her. " 'Cause your hand is like ice."

She immediately withdrew her hand, and I cringed. "It doesn't matter."

"It does matter, Naminé!" I argued, this time taking both her hands in mine and breathing on them to somehow warm her fingers up. "I care about you, okay!"

She fell silent, but she didn't remove her hands from mine. I continued rubbing her pale fingers in between mine, smiling slightly at the contented sigh she gave out.

We remained that way for a while. I didn't really keep track. It might've been a few minutes or a few hours, I couldn't tell. All I knew was that her hands were in mine and that she was happy. I was happy. It was all that mattered, on this frigid December night with 'Jingle Bells' tinkling in the air.

"Roxas...?" her voice cut softly through the still night, and her eyes briefly flashed upwards towards mine. "Don't you have someone else to spend Christmas with?"

I choked on my own spit. I just realized I had never told her anything about my ilustrious past, and her father had not told her anything either. Looking away and fighting the lump in my throat, I let go of her hands and started twiddling my thumbs. "I live alone."

"This isn't your hometown?"

"My family's been long dead."

Uncomfortable silence hung between us for a while, before she hesitantly took my hand in her own. I blinked, and shot a curious look at her.

"It's cold," she said simply, as if that would settle the matter.

And it did. Silence fell on us again, but this time, it was the type of silence that spoke volumes --- it spoke of familiarity and comfort and most of all, happiness.

"What about you?" I found myself asking. "How are you going to go about this Christmas business?"

To my surprise, a faint smile curved her lips, and she tilted her head thoughtfully. "My parents are going to be with me," she said softly. Although it wasn't markedly loud, I could discern the joy in her voice.

Depressed as I was over the absence of my own parents, I couldn't bring her happy mood down. "Congratulations," I said teasingly, squeezing her fingers. Suddenly, a thought occured to me, and I sat straight up, impulsively letting go of her hand. I cringed as she drew back, surprised at my action.

She peered at me, drawing her cardigan around herself. "Roxas? Is something wrong?" she asked in her now-familiar quiet voice.

"Naminé..." I settled my gaze on her. "What you said last week...about Christmas break? Are..." I paused, trying to ignore the lump stuck in my throat. "Are you really moving back?"

She bit her lip, and tears started shimmering in her eyes. She bowed her head so that her hair flounced forward, hiding her face from view. I could see that she had started trembling, and one didn't need to be a genius to find out what the answer was.

Wordlessly, I wrapped my arms around her shoulders and drew her closer to me, trying to ignore the stinging cold when the night air met my own warm tears.

- x -

I have a problem.

When I woke up this morning, with the date on my cellphone proclaiming it was only one day before Christmas, the first coherent thought that came to mind was that I had fallen in love.

With Naminé.

Fate sure liked to screw my life up.

Now I had resorted to cleaning up my apartment, trying to get the nagging feeling off my mind. I was so bothered that I even started putting up Christmas decorations, something that I had never done before in my entire life. Christmas was never a huge event in my vocabulary, but I somehow felt...inspired.

I had been halfway through getting the Christmas tree I bought through my door when the faint melody of 'Jingle Bells' rang throughout the apartment. I promptly let the tree go -- and stubbed my toe in the process -- and started patting my pockets for my cellphone.

Yes. That melody was my ringing tone. It had a lot of fond memories. Never mind if it ruined the skater-boy image.

I flipped my phone open and cradled it between my ear and shoulder, trying to move the tree again. "Hello?"

"_Hey, Roxas!_" Sora's exuberant greeting almost shattered my eardrum. I stubbed another toe against the doorframe, and mentally cursed the brunet for being so loud.

"Somebody's happy," I muttered.

"_Of course!_" He somehow missed the sarcasm. "_Now, with that grouchy mood of yours, I, on behalf of your dearly beloved friends--_shut up Riku--" Heckling could be heard in the background, "_I'd just like to remind you that it's your place we're crashing tomorrow for Christmas._"

I rolled my eyes, finally managing to heave the tree through and stand it in the nearest corner. "How could I forget? You reminded me every single day in the café, dork."

"_Very good_," he said approvingly. "_You take care of drinks, and we'll take care of the rest. Oh yeah, Riku and Tidus will stop by your place later and set up a tree--_"

"No need," I cut in, staring disdainfully at the rips on the white carpet that my dragging had done. "I've already got one, and---"

"_You what? Did I hear right? You, Roxas-the-Grinch, actually went and _got_ a Christmas tree?_"

"No, I just oh-so-wanted to have a pine tree coatrack in my apartment." I stepped backwards, trying to see if the tree was in the right position. "I'm turning into an interior designer."

An enthusiastic squeal shrieked through the connection, and I backed away so fast I tripped over one of the randomly-stacked boxes of Christmas balls.

"Cripes, Sora, was that _you?_" I winced in disbelief, the sight of rolling around baubles of shiny plastic crowding my vision. I started crawling around, trying to retrieve them before they got out of hand.

Another squeal. I hit my head under the table where one of the balls rolled into.

"I'm talking to you when you're coherent," I stifled a curse, before snapping my phone shut and throwing it over my shoulder. It hit the carpet soundlessly, and I turned back my attention to retrieving the ornament. My eyebrows furrowed; it had been stopped in its tracks by a rather large plastic bag, from which gifts were sprawled out.

My eyed widened; I had completely forgotten about the gifts. Sora would probably kill me with happiness once he found out I actually went and _bought_ gifts, instead of giving out money like I usually did. Completely forgoing the scattered-ornaments-issue, I rummaged through the plastic bag and carefully arranged each gift at the base of my newly-dragged-in Christmas tree.

I had nestled Riku's gift right between Tidus' and Kairi's when I found myself with an extra jewelry box. Curious, I flipped it open, and a silver ring with a crystal the color of the sea stared back at me.

A smile spread across my face as I shut it closed, and slid it into my pocket.

I'm going to give it to her tonight.

- x -

Naminé wasn't there at the fountain when I had arrived.

As I slumped dejectedly into one of the benches, I figured out that she had probably been busy packing up her things. She did say she would be moving back to London during Christmas break; who was I to assume that she'd be spending her Christmas here?

I tugged the zipper of my jacket upwards as the evening breeze blew my way, ruffling my hair and cooling my ears to the point of discomfort.

She could've called me, or something.

But then again, was she under any obligation to do that? After all that I had done, it was a miracle that she had forgiven me so quickly. Now that I thought about it, she probably still hoarded a grudge against me.

I just wish I could've given her the ring.

I drew out the white velvet box from my pocket and snapped it open, patting the crystal gingerly with one cold finger. And I made a decision right then and there. I _would_ give it to her, whatever it took. Even if I had to follow her all the way to London just to be able to do so.

I felt a determined smile tug at the corner of my lips.

'Jingle Bells' filtered through the night air, and I blinked. I shoved my hands into my pockets and searched for my cellphone, before realizing I didn't bring it. Furrowing my eyebrows, I got to my feet and whirled around, searching for the source of the melody.

It was coming from behind the fountain. I followed it, trying to discern the direction.

I stopped right at the edge of the street bordering the park; and I found out where it was coming from. A small speaker had been mounted beside the large double doors of the white multi-storeyed building across the street. I chuckled to myself; who would've thought that such a large, cold building could look so warm and homely during Christmas?

A bit like me...who would've thought that Roxas-the-Grinch could become so warm during the season he once hated the most?

_Love..._I thought, staring upwards and admiring the arrays of twinkling lights arranged painstakingly around each and every window.

I choked on my own spit and staggered backwards when I realized what building this exactly was.

_St. Bevelle's General Hospital,_ neon lights announced in large, twinkling letters.

- x -

Swallowing nervously, I pushed my way through the double doors of the hospital. Even the sterile hallways were decorated with holly and tinsel; the personnel sported red Santa hats. I knew how hard it was for them to be away from their families this Christmas Eve, and I greatly admired how they still managed to keep the smiles on their faces.

It was at times like this that I almost considered myself lucky for getting used to living alone for so long.

Some of the nurses were regulars at Clare and Bonné's, and they greeted me enthusiastically when I passed them. I waved and wished them a Merry Christmas back.

I approached the receptionist's desk, and I did a double take. My calculus professor, brunette Miss Aerith, was adjusting one of the green garlands of everlasting leaves on the wall behind the counter. My gym teacher, spiky-haired Sir Cloud, was seated on one of the waiting chairs nearest to the counter and sipping from a mug, newspaper hiding his face from view.

"Ah," I managed to splutter. They both looked into my direction, and they both blushed crimson.

"Good evening, Roxas," Aerith said pleasantly, walking towards me and taking out a clipboard from a table. "What can I do for you?"

"Don't ask," Cloud said gruffly, slurping up what disturbingly looked like hot-chocolate-drenched marshmallows. "Aerith's filling in for a friend."

I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn't going to ask anyway, but Aerith cut me off. "And Cloud's keeping me company," she beamed, clasping her hands as much as her clipboard could allow. "Isn't he a sweetheart?"

Cloud choked on a marshmallow.

I stifled a laugh as a blush settled on his cheeks, and turned instead to Aerith, who had on one of her secret-smiles. "Uh..." I trailed off, realizing that I really didn't _have_ anything to do here. Heck, I was supposed to be figuring out how I'd follow Naminé. "By any chance, did someone with the surname Ivalice sign in the log today?" I asked, at a loss of anything else to say.

She tilted her head thoughtfully, before walking to one side and flipping a rather thick book open. "Wait, let me check..."

I was observing how the Santa hat managed to hang off Cloud's head when she finally spoke up. "Here!" she tapped her pen against the ruled lines of the logbook. "A Mrs. Eden Ivalice, escorted by Dr. Alexander Ivalice, signed in at around six in the evening."

"What?" I blinked, and reached over the counter, twisting the book slightly so that I could see it. Sure enough, in precise handwriting, was what Aerith had just read out.

I felt my heart turn over, and I released the book with shaky hands. "W-what room is it?"

"537. Left wing, ICU's."

That was all I needed to know before I spun around on my heels and sprinted in the direction of the nearest flight of stairs, ignoring Cloud's yells about me, overexertion, and asthma.

- x -

"534...535...536..." I slowed to a stop and slumped against the wall, wheezing uncontrollably as I did. I fumbled for my inhaler and took in two grateful puffs, trying to blink away the spots dancing before my eyes.

Footsteps pounded in my ears, and I looked up just in time to see Dr. Ivalice walk out of room 537 and look around, a tired expression on his face. He noted my presence with mild surprise, and he extended a hand to help me up.

I took his hand and pulled myself to my shaky feet, but I still had to lean on the wall for support. Running up five flights of stairs and two wings was not a good thing for an asthmatic to do.

"Roxas," he said, folding his hands and walking to lean on the wall besides me. I flinched, but stood my ground.

"Dr. Ivalice, where's ---"

"My daughter has lung cancer, Roxas."

I froze, and disbelievingly raised my gaze to stare into Dr. Ivalice's eyes. I just noticed how fine the wrinkles were around his blue orbs, and I realized they were wrinkles of worry and exhaustion. My mouth worked soundlessly; my voice had died in my throat. All I could do was gape at the man.

"She...Naminé..." he hesitated, and closed his eyes, "I may not specialize in cancer, but I know when to believe a fellow doctor. We had been giving her chemotherapy, but the cancer itself had grown immune to the treatment around six months ago." He swallowed, and a small tear escaped from the edge of his eye, "She had resigned herself to her fate, and gave the permission to stop treatment. She wanted to live the most normal semblance of life she could..."

I made a dry choking noise, and sank to my knees.

"She had been given only a week to live when December started," Dr. Ivalice sighed, giving me a wan smile. "But thanks to you, she had been able to hold onto life for just a little while longer."

"To...me?" I stammered.

"Yes..." he replied distantly, getting off the wall and clapping me on the shoulder. "I have never seen my daughter so happy. She has developed a habit of keeping to herself, after all these years of being asthmatic...and then lung cancer. Naminé had finally begun to break down her defenses. I am glad. It wasn't too late."

"Oh God," I put my face in my hands, trying to minimize the cracking of my voice.

"Thank you, Roxas Hikari," Dr. Ivalice's voice said brokenly, and I didn't need to raise my head up to see that he was crying. "This is the best Christmas present I had ever recieved: to see my daughter happy."

Footsteps pounded on the tiled floors once more, and I struggled to my feet and followed him inside.

A woman I assumed was her mother, with the same flaxen hair and porcelain skin, regarded me with wan grey eyes as I walked inside. The room itself was rather spacious; probably the best one money can buy. After all, the Ivalice family was rich, that much I could tell.

It might be big, but the furniture was sparse; most of the room had been taken up by various machinery, which were silent. No numbers on the panels, no blinking lights and illuminated buttons. They stood at the side of the room, blocking the curtains, like silent stewards watching over the frail girl lying cushioned on the white bed.

I silently walked over to the bed, and everything came crashing over my head.

Naminé had been so pale because the cancer had leeched the color out of her. Her hair was choppy and stuck out at rather unusual angles because it had been growing out from the chemotherapy. She had always spoken in such a quiet voice because she didn't have the strength to speak so loudly anymore.

I noticed that the sky-blue cardigan she had worn the nights before were now draped at the foot of her bed.

I suddenly realized that the reason why she had not gone to college on the last day, and why she had not been at home the following days, was because she had fallen so ill she had to be confined.

The park, with its majestic fountain, was just across the hospital. Naminé wasn't wearing a white dress under her cardigan; she was wearing a hospital gown.

The sad smile on the maid's face, the quick show of teeth on the limousine driver's...they all knew. This was why her parents were with her during the holidays this year.

And when I asked her if she was going to move back...she just couldn't tell me. She just couldn't tell me that she wasn't sure that she was going to survive the Christmas season.

She just couldn't tell me that she was _dying_ and there was nothing I could do about it.

Silently, I sat on the chair beside her bed, took out the silver ring from my pocket, and slid it onto one of her still-lithe fingers.

And right there, beside the girl I had fallen in love with, I broke down and cried.

- x -

Somewhere, in Twilight Town, a deep, resonating toll of a bell sounded. I snapped my eyes open, and I realized I had cried myself to sleep.

(_two chimes_)

I glanced at the clock on the far wall. It was exactly midnight, and in ten more chimes, it would be Christmas.

(_three chimes)_

I softly squeezed Naminé's hand, and I took in a sharp intake of breath when I saw it. On my own hand, on my ring finger, was a silver ring, with a cerulean blue crystal set into it. I blinked rapidly, and withdrew my hand, wondering why Naminé would refuse my---

(_a chime_)

She was still wearing the ring I gave her.

_(three more chimes)_

I stared at her face, and I tried to bite back tears (_chime_) when it struck me that she had been the other one who brought the half of the eternity rings. And she gave it to me, an endless circle symbolizing union and friendship and for me, love.

(_another_ _chime_)

I placed my hand over hers, hoping that the warmth of mine would ease the coldness of hers.

(_one last chime)_

She took a deep breath, and her eyes fluttered open. Naminé smiled at me, her familiar half-smile, and she pressed her hand against mine, failing at her attempt to curl her fingers around my own.

"Merry Christmas," she whispered weakly, "Roxas."

"Merry Christmas too," I shifted closer, smoothed away stray locks of her hair, and placed a chaste kiss on her forehead. "Naminé."

When I drew back, she was no longer breathing.

I still held her hand, continuing to smooth away stray strands from her face. I tried to swallow my tears; I tried not to cry, but I couldn't take it. I couldn't keep it all in my chest like she had. I wasn't strong enough.

I clasped her hand in both of my own and brought it up to my face, tears stinging my cheeks and regret stabbing through my heart relentlessly. I wanted to release all of the pent-up emotion, I just wanted to let go, I just wanted to---

I started wheezing. My lungs screamed for air, but everytime I drew in a pained breath, it felt like glass shards were rattling around in my chest. It was painful, it was excruciating, it felt like hell.

I fumbled around in pocket for my inhaler.

-_wheeze_-

The tips of my fingers brushed against the cool plastic of my inhaler, and a small smile spread across my face.

I withdrew my hand and clasped hers instead, gazing at her pallid face, for which, in all the world, she just could've been asleep. I slumped down, and pillowed my head on my arms, my vision darkening as the wheezing slowed.

And then, the wheezing quieted, and everything faded away into black.

- _fin _-

- _Merry Christmas_ -

- x -

it's weird, i know. but this was originally intended as a horrifically long one-shot.

it was 37 pages on word!

and no touchie the plot. i'm planning to publish it someday.

read&review.

i'll get back to you.

to the readers of my other two stories...Soaring on Broken Wings,

and Questioning...

next update shall most probably be next year.

happy holidays. and a grand new year too.


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